Love in the Time of Anthrax

Those posters in the subways CRACK ME UP. The ones that say 'Feeling under the weather today?' (And it shows an umbrella and raining aspirin.) ...And the tag line reads, 'Best thing to do is not get on the train.'

Riiight. Hey you just walking down the subway steps! Listen before you get on the train...Lemme ask ya something... Not feeling so good today huh? Under the weather? Listen, Go home. Explain to your boss that you saw this poster and REALLY thought about it and decided that you actually didn't feel so good. You can totally BLAME us, the MTA. Because GOD FORBID you get on the subway and transmit GERMS on the seats and poles! So just turn around and get back in bed. The MTA really doesnt want to stop the L train if you faint or puke. There's like only so many L trains to go around and we need to squish as many hipsters and yuppies (and police cadets and overworked nurses and mariachi bands and high school kids selling candy for basketball uniforms ) into the train. We certainly can't hold up our inefficient system to aid you in a medical emergency. As a matter of fact...even if your finger hurts...you should probably just stay off the train. We keep saying we're gonna add more trains but we really can't afford it. So instead we're just gonna ask everyone who doesn't feel well...to just...uhh... NOT take the train.
So if you suffer from any of these ailments...

Nausea
Irritability and short tempers
Hostility
Homicidal impulses
Rapid loss of mental clarity
Amnesia
Kidney failure
Diarrhea
Muscle aching and weakness
Tingling or cramping in the legs
Inability to walk
Problems sleeping
Constipation
Impaired muscle formation
Erectile dysfunction
Nerve damage
Mental confusion
Alcoholism
Envy
Gluttony
Sloth
Lust
Greed
Wrath
Pride
or
Apathy...

Please turn around and go home and stay off the train...

Thank you and have a nice day (at home),
THE NY MTA